I think I have finally figured out why I hate shopping so much. I've never liked shopping (besides at book stores, particularly second hand ones) and have always put it down to boredom. It would be fair to say that I have very little patience for anything, especially not for trying on clothes and/or waiting for others to do the same.
But I think the reason I don't enjoy shopping is more than the fact that it makes me bored and tired and often gives me a headache.
I hate the feeling of want shopping creates within me.
Before I go to the shops, I am content and don't feel like I need anything.
After shopping, I feel like there are a million things I need, and since I, inevitably, can't have them it makes me feel sad.
Whenever I go shopping, I see so very many things. I want so very many things. Whether it be books, movies, music, shoes, shirts... there is always something I suddenly feel the need to own.
I rarely have any money to spend so when I want to buy something, I generally can't. I find myself hating people who have alot of money. I fall into a trap of self-pity.
I hate that. I hate that because I see a nice pair of boots, I feel like I need them - even though I already have a perfectly good pair at home. I hate that I start comparing my coat to the coats everyone else are wearing, that seem so much better than mine.
I hate the feeling that I need more, bigger, better.
It is a lie. I have everything I could ever need and more.
Now, I may not have much when compared with others in the North American population, but I am rich - stinkin' filthy rich - because over half the world lives on less than $1 a day, and I just spent $5 on lollies without thinking twice.
(Not to mention the fact that I am writing this on my own computer, inside a heated house...)
Am I saying there is anything wrong with buying lollies or shoes or jewellery or any other thing? No. But I am saying that there is something wrong with the way our stuff-obssessed society thinks.
We constantly complain about how we have no money, nothing to wear, nothing to eat - and right in front of us is a wallet full of coins and cards, a closet full of clothes, a cupboard fall of food.
And we're a society obssessed with comparing ourselves to other - they have a bigger house, they have a newer car, they have nicer clothes - when we should be thankful for what we have.
If we feel like we don't have enough, how must people who truly have nothing feel?
So, yeah, I think that's why I don't like shopping. I don't like watching people hoarding up more and more stuff that they'll probably use twice and forget. I don't like feeling like I need something and pitying myself when I can't have it.
Maybe I'm crazy. I don't know. I just think we should try a little gratiude.
2 months ago